


First Time

by AthenaErrata



Series: The Rodriguez Files [2]
Category: The Dresden Files - Jim Butcher
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:41:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21521593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AthenaErrata/pseuds/AthenaErrata
Summary: This deals with Harry and Susan's first time. It leads to some revelations from Harry about Elaine and Justin. Note the warnings: this is dark
Relationships: Harry Dresden/Susan Rodriguez
Series: The Rodriguez Files [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1550419
Kudos: 8





	First Time

**Author's Note:**

> Please note the warnings, mentions of non-con and underage sex.

‘Was last night ok?’

I looked up at Harry surprised ‘Okay?’

‘Yeah I mean he faltered was it good? Did I, was I.. well.. weird?’ He squirmed. God even Harry Dresden gets performance anxiety. Who would have thought? 

‘Harry last night’, well after 3 dates where I had tried and failed desperately to keep my hands off him, constant light touches. Trying and failing to ignore the endless throb in my knickers. Trying and failing to forget the kitty in heat sensation Id had after drinking the potion. Last night wed finally had sex and it had been. Well, it had been mind blowing. I know I was hoping it would be good. I was more attracted to him than Id ever been to anyone. And there was every indication the feeling was mutual. But I was expecting the usual embarrassed fumbling of a first time. Instead he’d been so sure. Instinctively touching me where I wanted to be touched, tasting me where I wanted to be tasted. Taking me only when I was aching for him, arching and mewling as he moved inside me. Gasping at the sheer size of him and how well he moved. Good was an understatement. It had been incredible. 

‘Harry, it was like magic’ He winced.

‘I mean it was good, really, really good.’ He relaxed into smiling. ‘Yeah I liked it too’

I peered closer at him. ‘Surely you knew it was good?’ 

I mean he’d made me come with his hands, his mouth, his dick. Again and again, I’d been sobbing his name. 

‘Well Ive never really.’ He was rubbing the back of his neck the way he did when he was embarrassed.

‘You’re a virgin?!’ I blurted incredulous. If he was a virgin, Id found a sex genius who could just do sex the first time like a virtuoso.

‘No no,’ he said hastily. ‘I wasn’t a virgin. Ive just never done it with a non-wizard. I thought I might do some wizard thing in bed that youd find strange.’ 

I laughed, ‘really never ever with a plain jane?’

‘You are NOT a plain jane, but, no never with a non-wizard. And magic and sex well they kind of blend into each other in weird ways.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well sex is about life, and magic is about life. Stands to reason they interact somehow.’ He’s got his teaching voice on. ‘Maybe for ordinary mortals its not like that. But its not like I can go online and read up about it’ He huffs out ‘and who would I ask?’

‘Well sex isn’t normally’, I floundered embarrassed, ‘well its not normally that good for me. You seemed to know exactly what to do without being guided or told. It was amazing but I guess I would say that’s not how it normally goes. Normally it takes a bit of time to learn about each other.’

‘Oh’ he said quietly. ‘Oh, of course: talking’

He looked distressed: pale and tense. It was a shame, his face had been so soft and open, passionate unguarded last night. Now he was closing off again. I felt a bit scared, Harry was scary. I wasn’t scared of him really. But he scared me. That doesn’t make sense. He got up to make coffee and I felt alone and somehow bereft in his bed. It was so frustrating being pushed away again. And I was angry with myself for constantly pursuing this man who was so distant and aloof. I thought I’d broken through that last night and now here it was again, Harry and his big fat wall. 

He came back and I stiffened my resolve.‘Can you tell me whats going on? Not the theory of sex and magic, but about sex and you? We’ve just had sex, amazing sex. And I know there's something. It’s not fair to take me to bed like that and then pull up the drawbridge the morning after.’

He sat on the bed a long while. Quiet. Thinking. Then sighed and said. ‘Its not a pretty story Susan are you sure you want to hear it?’  
I nodded firmly, eyes on his face. 

‘I was introduced to sex the wizard way. Or more accurately the dark wizard way’. He swallowed, hard. Closing his eyes he went on. ‘I told you Elaine was my first girlfriend and she was. We made out like teenagers do. So far, so normal.’ He took another deep breath. ‘But less normal,’ he went on, ‘is that we were initiated into sex by Justin. He took her, in front of me. It was a lesson. To make us understand the energies sex moves in the body and how to channel it, make it rise, make it ebb. There was a series of lessons. I watched as he had sex with my girlfriend, made her his. I was sixteen.’

I stared at him. He breathed hard for a few minutes. Then a look of steel came into his eyes.

‘Then a few weeks later I was initiated’. His hands made fists. ‘I ruined it for them, there was a woman he had, Meredith, a dark wizard too. She was to take my virginity - the way Justin had taken Elaine’s. But I slept with Elaine against his orders before it happened. I ..’ – his breath hitched. ‘I – I loved Elaine. I wanted her to be my first. Not some sex lesson with a woman I barely knew.’ He breathed out raggedly and continued his voice bitter. ‘Anyway when Meredith initiated me, then they pinned me down and Justin had sex with me. To show me who was boss. ’

His knuckles had gone white.

‘Elaine and I,’ he swallowed a few times. ‘Elaine… it wasn’t the same after that. I still loved her but I guess Justin. She and Justin ...’ Harry shook himself almost violently. ‘I don’t want to talk about them.’

He took a deep breath. Muttering ‘me and sex … well after that I almost had a one night stand once when I first moved to Chicago, but I couldn’t get it up. Just as emotionless as my initiation .. I couldn’t do it.’ He blushed a little. ‘Not great for my sense of manhood but until last night I hadn’t had sex since my teens. I don’t really do casual, or maybe I just cant really do casual.’ He tried to shrug, like it was nothing. Like he was hard and untouchable.

‘Jesus Harry, you should have said something’. I went to touch him wanting to hold and comfort him. He flinched from me. ‘Don’t please, I don’t want your pity, that’s why I didn’t tell you.’ 

‘But I don’t know if I do it like an ordinary guy, I can feel myself shaping the energy inside you, could feel my magic as part of what we did last night. It feels.. it feels really good, but I don’t know if … I'm like other guys.’

He was such a contradiction. The most unique fascinating man I’d ever meet. But wanting so hard for something ordinary in his life, something normal.

‘Harry, last night was wonderful. Im even more amazed at how good it was now I know what you’ve been through.’ 

He sat still, taking the words in. His eyes suspiciously wet. ‘We were so young. I try to remember the bit before only. Me and Elaine, we were high school sweethearts, innocent. First kisses, making out, clumsy touching, sneaking about. I … I wanted that. Not to control and dominate. Not the way it turned out. But even last night I can feel my magic working, even with you. Like I learned something I cant forget.,’

I shivered, ‘You think you controlled me? Like the way the potion controlled me?’

He winced again. ‘I don’t want to make you feel things, to get in your head and make you. Im really sorry about the potion. I should never have made that.’

I took his hand gently and put it to my face briefly before laying it over my heart. ‘Harry you didn’t. I like you, I like ‘me and you’. Ive been wanting what happened last night for a while now. I did it because I wanted to, because what we did felt good and right’

The relief in his eyes was palpable. He closed his eyes swallowing hard. I could barely hear him when he continued speaking. ‘When Justin … I … he … I begged for it, for my release. He made me beg. I didn’t want what he was doing to me but I begged for it’. He whispered. I crawled into his lap to hold him. He held on tight, one hand in my hair. I could feel wetness against my neck. A long while later we were still sitting entwined. ‘You know rape victims respond sexually to their attackers sometimes don’t you?’ 

‘What?’

‘When people get raped sometimes their body responds. A woman gets wet, a man gets hard. Our bodies react to the sexual stimulation despite what we want. Sometimes people even climax. Doesn’t mean it wasn’t rape. I think that’s the thing that often screws people up the most.’

He stared at me. ‘Really?’ 

I nodded. He let out a long breath. ‘I hadn’t really thought of it like that. I just thought…’

I could see him thinking, weighing up this new piece of information and felt like screaming. Why isn’t that little nugget of information out there? Why doesn’t everyone know this?

Later that day I asked: ‘what happened to them, Elaine and Justin I mean’ 

He looked away, voice flat: ‘I killed them. I didnt mean to, but they wanted to control me and I fought back. I lost control. There was fire, they…. burned.’

Harry Dresden, scary man. Sometimes I wonder what the fuck Im doing. But he’s sitting there on the bed, tortured and quiet. Won’t look at me. He looks so haunted. I know I should leave, this, whatever this thing we have, it’s getting too much. I should leave, find a normal guy, but I already know I won’t. I know Im staying, if only because he so expects me to leav


End file.
